My husband once told me when we were very young that life could not be contained. I never had the slightest idea what he was talking about until his death, when suddenly, everything became so clear to me. Life cannot be contained. You cannot control everything that happens to you, some things are destined to be - fate. I tried so hard to change my life, to make everything work out the way that I thought they should be. I was so niave, but lucky for me, life cannot be contained. My life broke through the shell that I had begun to build over it in attempts to shelter myself from pain, sorrow, anger, despair, loss - all of those terrible things that make life life. I thought that if I seperated myself from these things, that I would live the perfect life, and it would have worked too, if it weren't for love. I wanted love, and you can't have a real true love without the pain, sorrow, anger, despair, and loss. It took me so long to figure that out, and if it weren't for Paul, I never would have. I owe it all to him. He is my inspiration, my strength, my best friend, and the love of my life. So really, he was wrong, it should be life AND love cannot be contained. It takes everything to just let go and let fate work its hand, but then again, the greatest risk is not taking one. If I hadn't risked it all and just let go, I would have lived my life free from pain, sorrow, anger, despair, and loss, but I would also have lived my life free from love. When you weigh it out, the hand with love wins.

This is my story - take it all in and learn from my mistakes, and from what great decesions I have managed to make. This is the story of two great loves: the love of a man and a woman destined to be, and of accepting who you are and learning to love yourself. You can't have one without the other, take it or leave it. This is the story of a girl born niave named Rachel Alexis Layne who grew into a woman re-born all the wiser named Rachel Alexis McCartney.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

~New!~ Chapter Five